An Inside Look at Link's Daunting Search History in BotW
Thanks to the cutting edge technology of the iShiekah 12 Pro, Link has a ton of information available to him in Breath of the Wild. Perhaps a little too much convenience for our Hylian hero to handle!
Hyrule can face an agonizing hundred more years under the Calamity Ganon if Link doesn’t put himself on a screen time diet. But more importantly, isn’t anyone curious as to what Link’s search history might look like?
I know I am.
Since there isn’t anything canon to base this curiosity off of, I’m just going to wing it. If I had to guess, this is what Link’s browsing history looks like in BotW:
- …
Top result: Link, you’re taking this silent protagonist thing pretty far, aren’t you?
- Where the heck are all the pottery shops around here?
Top result: How one man is responsible for the death of an entire market.
- Can I remove the master sword with three hearts?
Top result: The harmful effects that speedrunners and challenge-mode enthusiasts pose on the local economy.
- What are squatters rights in Hyrule?
Top result: Look Link, we know about the guys sitting on your front lawn. Shouldn’t you be busy saving the world?
- Easy 5 ingredient recipes.
Top result: How Durian fruit saved my marriage!
- Can I cook fairies?
Top result: 6 Early warning signs that your child could be the next Calamity.
- Is it okay to eat cooked wood?
Top result: 12 easy tricks for beating Trial of the Sword!
- Is it socially acceptable to marry a Dolphin?
Top result: Who wore it better? See more on Mipha vs. Sidon on instashiek.
- Why didn’t Zelda take her dad to the shrine of resurrection?
Top result: King Rhoam faces a billion rupee lawsuit for stealing patented paraglider technology.
- Are long naps dangerous for your health?
Top result: Here’s why parents are taking their children to the Shrine of Resurrection this holiday season.
- What year is it?
Top result: 9 Symptoms that could mean your timeline makes no sense!
- How fast are Cuccos?
Top result: Florida man slashes Cucco with a stick, causing 2.3 million rupees in damage to Hateno village.
- Climb in rain cheat code.
Top result: Tired of products with bad reviews? Check out Dura-Climb gear, perfect for adventures to Dueling Peaks!
- How to defeat Flowerblight Ganon.
Top result: Magda’s BEST gardening tips for winter preparation.
- Hot tips for keeping nasty purple goo out of a basement.
Top result: Interview with Naydra reveals stunning information regarding Calamity goo.
- Do Koroks feel pain?
Top result: Here’s 64 reasons you shouldn’t throw rocks at Koroks.
- Hot Koroks in my area.
Top result: Feeling lonely?
- Funny horse names.
Top result: Did you mean: Top 25 Hylian baby names for 20XX?
- What causes horses to turn blue?
Top result: Satori Mountain mystery: Eyewitnesses claim to see Bigfoot and Loch Ness taking selfies with the Spirit of the Mountain!
- Is it safe to ride a bear?
Top result: Famous ZeldaTuber rides bear through Gerudo desert.
- Why don’t foxes eat meat?
Top result: Ecological breakthrough! Man feeds apple to fox and wins over its heart!
- How to pet a dog.
Top result: The dummies guide to unequipping weapons.
- Delicious edible rock recipes that won’t offend a Goron.
Top result: Homemade Goron spice recipe that will knock any Hylian off of their feet!
- Who is Zelda anyway?
Top result: Uncovering the alarming truth to Princess Zelda behind closed doors.
- Is it common to hear random voices in my head?
Top result: Doctors HATE him for this one SIMPLE trick! Kiss your princess problems goodbye in minutes!
- Best gliding locations.
Top result: Visit Ridgeland Tower today! Our family of cutting-edge researchers are always hiring hard-working, team-oriented rock stars like yourself!
- Fairy fountain assault hotline number.
Top result: Here’s 64 tips on how to curb unwanted attention. Number 3 will SHOCK you!
- Kass greatest hits list
Top result: Welcome to Kassify. Upgrade to premium today FREE by referring a friend!
- What is Ganon’s deal?
Top result: Study shows new insight to the man behind the Calamity: Did his parents really love him?
- Is it safe to eat fish that were blown up with bombs?
Top result: Three horrifying truths about Sheikah technology and how it affects your health!
- What causes people to have an abnormal probability of being struck by lightning?
Top result: Here’s the scoop on why wooden shields are making a comeback across Hyrule! Hottest fashion trends for the new season!
- How to “Yah!” train a giant horse.
Top result: Ganondorf’s horse was found roaming the Taobab Grasslands by key witnesses. Here’s what they had to say:
- Is it okay to use the most iconic shield in the franchise for surfing?
Top result: Link caught slacking off learning to shield surf amidst the Great Calamity!
- Is Zora’s Domain made of dead fish souls?
Top result: Umm… actually… Yeah.
Alright… that was pretty fun. Anyway, that’s a wrap on Link’s top search queries in BotW. I’d love to hear your ideas on my social channel! You’ll also get the added perk of catching updates on more installments from Hetsu’s Stinkposts or any of my other series! Stay classy, fellow Hylians.