Thanks to the cutting edge technology of the iShiekah 12 Pro, Link has a ton of information available to him in Breath of the Wild. Perhaps a little too much convenience for our Hylian hero to handle!
Hyrule can face an agonizing hundred more years under the Calamity Ganon if Link doesn’t put himself on a screen time diet. But more importantly, isn’t anyone curious as to what Link’s search history might look like?
I know I am.
Since there isn’t anything canon to base this curiosity off of, I’m just going to wing it. If I had to guess, this is what Link’s browsing history looks like in BotW:
Top result: Link, you’re taking this silent protagonist thing pretty far, aren’t you?
Top result: How one man is responsible for the death of an entire market.
Top result: The harmful effects that speedrunners and challenge-mode enthusiasts pose on the local economy.
Top result: Look Link, we know about the guys sitting on your front lawn. Shouldn’t you be busy saving the world?
Top result: How Durian fruit saved my marriage!
Top result: 6 Early warning signs that your child could be the next Calamity.
Top result: 12 easy tricks for beating Trial of the Sword!
Top result: Who wore it better? See more on Mipha vs. Sidon on instashiek.
Top result: King Rhoam faces a billion rupee lawsuit for stealing patented paraglider technology.
Top result: Here’s why parents are taking their children to the Shrine of Resurrection this holiday season.
Top result: 9 Symptoms that could mean your timeline makes no sense!
Top result: Florida man slashes Cucco with a stick, causing 2.3 million rupees in damage to Hateno village.
Top result: Tired of products with bad reviews? Check out Dura-Climb gear, perfect for adventures to Dueling Peaks!
Top result: Magda’s BEST gardening tips for winter preparation.
Top result: Did you mean: Top 25 Hylian baby names for 20XX?
Top result: Satori Mountain mystery: Eyewitnesses claim to see Bigfoot and Loch Ness taking selfies with the Spirit of the Mountain!
Top result: Famous ZeldaTuber rides bear through Gerudo desert.
Top result: Ecological breakthrough! Man feeds apple to fox and wins over its heart!
Top result: The dummies guide to unequipping weapons.
Top result: Homemade Goron spice recipe that will knock any Hylian off of their feet!
Top result: Uncovering the alarming truth to Princess Zelda behind closed doors.
Top result: Doctors HATE him for this one SIMPLE trick! Kiss your princess problems goodbye in minutes!
Top result: Visit Ridgeland Tower today! Our family of cutting-edge researchers are always hiring hard-working, team-oriented rock stars like yourself!
Top result: Here’s 64 tips on how to curb unwanted attention. Number 3 will SHOCK you!
Top result: Welcome to Kassify. Upgrade to premium today FREE by referring a friend!
Top result: Study shows new insight to the man behind the Calamity: Did his parents really love him?
Top result: Three horrifying truths about Sheikah technology and how it affects your health!
Top result: Here’s the scoop on why wooden shields are making a comeback across Hyrule! Hottest fashion trends for the new season!
Top result: Ganondorf’s horse was found roaming the Taobab Grasslands by key witnesses. Here’s what they had to say:
Top result: Link caught slacking off learning to shield surf amidst the Great Calamity!
Top result: Umm… actually… Yeah.
Alright… that was pretty fun. Anyway, that’s a wrap on Link’s top search queries in BotW. I’d love to hear your ideas on my social channel! You’ll also get the added perk of catching updates on more installments from Hetsu’s Stinkposts or any of my other series! Stay classy, fellow Hylians.